Remembering 3 Years Ago

Did I arrange the light of your first day?
Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?

...

I'm the One that you've been looking for
I'm the One that you've been waiting for
I've had My eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have My eyes on you after the world is no more

-After the World by Disciple

The house is quiet. My boys are both asleep. The birthday boy had a full day today and didn't put up any bedtime fight. He willingly climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin while daddy got him a sippy cup of water to put on his nightstand. I can hardly believe he's 3! My baby. The little one who first made me a mommy. He's not a baby or a toddler anymore! He is a little boy. And I so love that little boy!

I remember the morning I woke up early just before sunrise and discovered I was soaked. It was a week before my due date. The night before, as I climbed into bed, I prayed and asked God to let him come soon. I wanted him on St. Patrick's Day so bad! I wasn't feeling anything, so I thought it was kind of a long shot. But God must have leaned down and kissed me on the forehead because he heard and answered my prayer.

And when I discovered I was soaked, I calmly called out to BJ who literally jumped out of bed with a, huh!? And I calmly told him the baby was coming. I took a shower (still don't exactly know why) and thought about how my life was going to change in the biggest way ever. And prayed. 'Cause I was scared. Then we grabbed a big towel and our things and got on interstate 10, crossed a time zone and as we got off interstate 10, the sun was just rising. The hospital was just a few minutes away and the song, After the World by Disciple came on. I got that shivery feeling all through me and knew the words in that song were for me and my baby boy from our God.

We checked into the hospital. Everything was calm-the calm before the storm. Then they started the Pitocin drip.

The memory of labor pains plays in my mind as if I were laying in the bottom of a row boat on an angry sea. The waves of contractions swell like monstrous waves and then subside, and for a few brief moments you think you might be okay and then whoooosh! Here comes another one.

The labor was an all-day affair. I was relieved about mid-way when the epidural angel came and administered God's gift to Women to the base of my spine. I absolutely positively hate needles, but I'd have stuck the epidural in my back myself if I had to. And then I felt all warm and snugly from the waste down and considered changing baby's name, to name him after the epidural angel.

There was some rest from the contractions and then a couple hours later the pressure came on really strong. My baby was knocking down the door and ready to make his appearance. Oh, the relief when the doctor finally entered the room and settled into baby catching position! And I pushed! And I pushed! And I PUSHED! For about an hour. And then that baby stuck out his head full of black hair and with one more little push all of his perfect little body was out and the doctor held him up for me to see and I yelled, "OH BABY!" which was totally unscripted. The moment I saw him and those two little words left my mouth and I heard them, I knew I was changed forever.

And BJ and I both will never forget the way he laid in my arms and stared up at us as he let out these little cries. BJ just stood over me and cried and cried. And I kinda think he was a little shocked like most new daddies. Because I think, until then, he had doubted, just a little, that there really was even a baby in my big tummy all along. So finally seeing him with his own eyes just totally undid him.

Then they cleaned him up while I nibbled on a cold sandwich (that tasted like prime rib) and drank grape juice (that i was sure must have been made from concord grapes that were grown in Lawton, MI) and after that I got my shaking-all-over body out of that stiff uncomfortable bed and into the bathroom with the sweetest nurse ever who put the mesh underware on me with the big icy maxi pad. Those things are pretty amazing.

And I came out and got in a wheel chair and they placed my perfect little warm, swaddled up bundle of boy in my arms. And I couldn't believe I was actually holding. my. baby. My son. I will never forget that feeling.

On the way to my new room we stopped at a button the proud mom and dad get to press that plays a lullaby all through the labor and delivery area (but not in the delivery rooms...can you imagine how annoying/frustrating that would be when you're trying to get a baby out and all you keep hearing is that someone else just got their baby out?). And then we got to our new room and I settled into my first night of motherhood.

*deep sigh* Well now, I wasn't really planning to write all that. But it is wonderful remembering.

And now that little baby is 3 years old. And he's a big brother. And he goes to preschool 3 mornings a week. And he was yelling "go daddy go!" as the traffic lights turned green downtown today. And he loves drums and guitars And tools. And all things ball related.

And God created the light of his first day.

And God created the rhythm his heart makes.

And He's had his eye on him ever since he was born.

He'll love him after the rain falls down.

And after the sun goes out.

And He'll love him after the world is no more.

Happy Birthday Eli. I love you!

Love, Mommy